I visited my Dad yesterday. He has terminal cancer and though it is sad, he is not near dying anytime soon. He has been poorly recently due to infections in the fluid in his stomach and yes, we nearly lost him to that but he is still here today and I am grateful.
I grew up without him and I got into contact after having my own daughter as I watched her relationship with her Daddy blossom and started to wonder where my own father was.
To cut a very long story short, we made contact late 2010 and by May 2011, he was staying with us. He moved out early September 2011 and by mid-October we had the news that he had been hospitalised with cancer related complications and so the diagnosis was made.
I bring this up as his illness has been a source of my sadness for obvious reasons and nearly losing him brought up a lot of emotion. I didn't think I would lose him so soon after making that contact and it scared me to think I may not be able to talk to him about the lost years. If his illness/cancer is making any sense to me, it's that life is what you make it and I am making a bit of a pigs ear out of it at the moment. We have just had one of the best weekends in a long time, spending time together as the family unit I always craved, finishing with the visit to my Dad. I had a lot of thinking space as hubby took over toddler watching duty and I know I want to conquer my body issues now.
I have re-opened my profile on 'MyFitnessPal' and am updating my food and exercise. I want to get back into 'Zumba' as I have the DVD boxset with the toning sticks. LO starts nursery next week and I want to use the 2 1/2 hrs she is there to get exercise/shopping/housework in and spend the afternoons doing stuff with the babes rather than worrying about them. All the good intentions in the world will not help me on a bad day but I had a good 6 weeks of 'bad' days so I think I need to get my head out the sand and get on with it.