Saturday, 9 August 2014

5 Years a mother

Wow. Just. Wow.
I have managed to keep a young human alive from birth to 5 years!
In all seriousness though, today we celebrated the fact that our oldest is now 5 years old. A fact she hasn't let us forget is happening since the first of her school friends turned 5 when they started reception.
I believe she is the youngest in her class, albeit one of the tallest though, she has been treated to lots of her chosen-hero-of-the-moment goodies. Spiderman if your wondering.

Yes, so here I sit pondering what the past few years have taught me. What an enrichment becoming a parent has been and what I would like to change to make our futures fare better.

That being said, it's been no picnic, I have hit rock bottom many a time, but managed to pull myself out with the help of my husband and outside help. It's not been through any fault of theirs, rather I have had too much on my plate that I got lost and needed a help to regain my path. The loss of my father last year rocked me in a way I didn't think it would. Though to be honest, it was before he actually passed that I lost myself badly. He had terminal cancer and we had not long re-established contact after a 20year+ silence. His loss this time and the time before that has left me knowing I won't let our girls grow up without contact with their father, unless it really cannot be helped, if there was any reason we couldn't no longer be together as a couple.

The trials of having a family in our situation - no mortgage, no savings and only one stable job - raised eyebrows, mostly from my friends who were married and mortgaged up before having children - for the majority anyways. No we took the low road and are now working out how to climb that unsteady stair to a stable home, a better household income and hopefully a better future for us all. I have days when I love, Love, LOVE being a SAHM then I have days when I feel rubbish and that I should be at work, earning a wage and trying to save money for a house. The sheer cost of full-time childcare though is too much and seems daft to pay for something I can do myself at home, albeit at the cost of not being able to afford regular luxuries.

So we're on child number two now, another girl and she starts nursery in January so I am hoping to get either a part time or establish a work from home wage that I can spend more time on once she's at nursery, enjoying herself and I know I'm not not spending time with her.

It's been an incredible learning curve becoming a Mum but one I am still learning and struggle with as sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing half the time. I'm sure other parents feel the same. Comment below if you do, or even how your feeling on your childs birthday.

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